Land of the Leaf

Pictured above is Rowdy Roddy Piper posing with Stormtrooper, I have no idea what that’s all about.  Below is Piper in his heyday as a “heel”.  He doesn’t like no grimy, greasy, burnt out little hippies that you can usually spot begging for loot on  Yonge St.  It does beg the question: how do they afford those big dogs?  (bumps to Hugging Harold Reynolds)

Personally, I’ve always preferred this amphetamine fueled rant with “Mean Gene” Okerlund.  Piper even manages to dumbfound himself when he alludes to taking his own dick away.

Not the Toronto Maple Leafs you fool.  It has been a sad four decades for those losers.  I’m talking Ryan Leaf!  He’s making headlines again, for all the wrong reasons obviously.  Leaf has apparently got himself into some serious trouble in Texas, and when it comes to punishment: Texas never whispers.

Leaf has been indicted on drug and burglary charges.

From Sports Rubbish:

According to Canyon police Lt. Dale Davis, Leaf is suspected of breaking into an apartment on October 30th & stealing some Hydrocodone. Perhaps he was just trick-or-treating early and the person didn’t have any candy.

Leaf has yet to turn himself in to police. James Farren, Randall County criminal district attorney, said Leaf is in drug rehab in British Columbia.

The counts Ryan Leaf faces include:

• 7 counts of obtaining a controlled substance by fraud
• 1 count of delivery of a simulated controlled substance
  
• 1 count of burglary of a habitation

DDT!  DDT!  DDT!

I can’t figure out if it’s appropriate to laugh at this.  Meh fook it, I’m laughing.  Jake “The Snake” Roberts is wrestling in some casino and he’s trying to cut an in-house promo before a match, obviously wasted (read: psychosis).

If you’ve read Bret Hart’s autobiography, seen Beyond The Mat, or even watched Mickey Rourke take some “bumps”, then you shouldn’t be surprised by how depressing this is.  Yet there’s no funnier sight than catching a glimpse at somebody with addiction problems trying to speak to a crowd in a Casino.

It appears as though Curt Schilling is attempting to get himself into shape.

Hold on though, it’s not for baseball.

Schilling is looking as though he’d like to become enough of a slob so that he can pitch a screenplay based on his life to Philip Seymour Hoffman.  More to follow on this breaking news.

Nothing new to report about Chris Benoit, he still killed himself and his family.  But hey, there’s some Chris Benoit related news being reported by TSN:

“The personal doctor to a Canadian professional wrestler who killed himself, his wife and their seven-year-old son was sentenced to 10 years in prison Tuesday for illegally prescribing painkillers and other drugs to patients. Dr. Phil Astin, 54, had pleaded guilty Jan. 29 to a 175-count federal indictment that accused him of writing illegal prescriptions to known drug abusers, some of them for years.”

It just goes to show that if you give a man enough concussions and a cocktail of HGH and steroids then it just may reap enough testosterone to make him want to… well you know…

America’s favourite self-aggrandizing sports publication released its list of five best and five worst owners in the four major sports.  Guess who’s topping the list for the worst in the NHL?

Did you guess a bloodless, souless, pension-hugging entity?  Of course you did.  It’s the Toronto Maple Leafs and their owner MLSE.

NHL

Five Best Owners

1 Mike Ilitch Detroit Red Wings

2 Jeffrey Vanderbeek New Jersey Devils

3 Mario Lemieux/Ron Burkle Pittsburgh Penguins

4 San Jose Sports and Entertainment San Jose Sharks

5 Peter Karmanos Carolina Hurricanes

Five Worst Owners

1 MLSE Toronto Maple Leafs

2 Alan Cohen Florida Panthers

3 Charles Wang New York Islanders

4 Atlanta Spirit Atlanta Thrashers

5 Predator Holdings LLC Nashville Predators

Knuckle-bumps to Hugging Harold Reynolds.

Rafer Alston has had a few run-ins with the law.  He’s been arrested three separate times that I can think of off the top of my head.  He sure has made some bone-head plays on the court in his career too.  He continued his dominance of idiocy on Wednesday night during Orlando’s loss to the Celtics.  He actually pimp slapped Eddie House in the back of the head.

Wow, I love me some trash talk, and I even loved Jason Richardson’s ball-bounce off of Carlos Boozer’s head, but that was in a rookie vs. sophomore’s game.  Having watched Rafer as a Raptor I can safely say that he’s now Orlando’s problem and not mine.

For good measure:

[Hat tip to Ball Don't Lie]

It was expected that Zack Greinke would likely tame the Jays’ bats.  Brian Tallet’s vomit-inducing performance was not so predictable.  The aspiring porn star gave up 11 hits and saw 10 runs cross the plate through four rain-soaked shitty innings.  We could use another arm right about now.

I know what you’re thinking: bringing in a veteran will just block one of our young starters from coming up.  Well, that’s true, but our young starters ain’t doing shit right now in Triple-A.  There’s one man that could provide the Jays with a proven and still useful arm, not to mention the ability to sport a sweet Jheri curl that would compliment Tallet’s sweet ’stache:  Pedro Martinez.

Well, for the record, Harry Doyle actually said “one” hit not two.  Whatever, getting tuned by the Kansas City Royals wouldn’t be so bad if say, Zack Greinke was chucking a one-hitter.  Then it might be pretty, but watching Brian Bannister throw pumpkins all over the batter’s box, walk six, and get hit just once was a struggle at the best of times.

Bannister lasted seven innings, before Jamey Wright took over in the eighth.  Shitty Kyle Farnsworth gave up the other Jays’ hit in the ninth.

As well as the Jays have pitched this season, David Purcey has contributed very little that has been blood-pressure friendly.  His fastball was wearing its purse tonight and he needed 93 pitches to labour through five innings.  Gross.  We still haven’t faced Greinke yet.

In case you missed it, and I seriously hope you did, Adam Lind and Scott Rolen had the only Jays’ hits.