Land of the Leaf

Later this afternoon we’ll take a closer look at the upcoming Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints/Jays series.  You can expect us to probably drool a little over Roy Halladay and wear pants that fit a bit loose in the crotch area.

For now here’s a set of links to some good posts:

Brian Burke Goes Bananas On Watters Show

Oh man, this is too much.  There’s links to the audio piece at the end of the post, check it out.  Is the media getting to Burke, or is it the other way around?

Jaworski Says Trent Edwards Will Be Tremendous

And if that doesn’t quite work out there’s always the option of becoming a wrestler as Tremendous Trent Edwards.

Mock NBA Draft

Am I the only one who wants to see DeJuan Blair as a Raptor?

Alvin Williams A Raptor Again

Williams is joining the team as an assistant coach, show me Charles Oakley and I’ll start to believe.

Michael Bourn Nuts Himself

Bahahaha, ouch!  (bumps to Bugs and Cranks)

Peter Zezel passed away yesterday at the age of 44.  Zezel was always considered “one of their own” by Leaf fans despite only playing in Toronto for parts of four seasons.  Toronto born, or Scarborough raised, however you choose to put it, Zezel first made his mark in the OHL with the Toronto Marlboros in the early 1980’s.  The news of his passing hit hard in Toronto, our thoughts are with his family and friends.

Peter Zezel didn’t have his best offensive years in Toronto, but he played an integral part on two of the better Maple Leafs teams from the last 40 years.  He appeared in the 1986 film Youngblood, which is a much better hockey film than Slap Shot, and he continued to be active in the Toronto sports community over the last few years.  Several excellent stories and tributes from a number of bloggers have delineated some of Zezel’s memorable hockey moments and human side, here are some links to a few:

Remembering Peter Zezel [Down Goes Brown]

Peter Zezel [Bitter Leaf Fan Page]

Ode To Peter Zezel [Toronto Sports Media]

“That’s Bird” Series Preview: Jays @ Orioles

I wish I could say this series would be a serious beat-down.  I’m not ruling out a Jays’ offensive feast on some of Bodymore’s wonky arms, but my eyes are going bleary from looking at the RBI totals of Rios, Wells, and Lind over the team’s last six losses. I just can’t seem to find anything.  Oh, wait, there aren’t any because they didn’t drive in any fucking runs.  (bump-knuckles to The Tao of Stieb for the written reminder)

Vernon Wells: “You may run like Hayes. but you hit like shit”.  You’re making me sick with your all of your chopping and hacking at the plate.  Now do something, those stolen bases are just expensive.

A six-game skid isn’t exactly the end of the world.  Thankfully, the optimism preservation officer The Blue Jay Hunter points out that when you throw in names like Frank Thomas and John Gibbons, you’ll remember that things have been much worse.

The Orioles hope that Jeremy Guthrie can get his game together in the series opener this afternoon.  Jays throw the mustache (Brian Tallet).

Hey, It’s Leaf Rumours and Rumblings

It seems a set of twins are causing an uprising at Toronto Sports Media.  I agree, dreams of the Sedins are better left out of the minds of Maple Leaf fans. The same could be said for Brian Burke’s hype-crush on John Tavares.  It’s dumb, not going to happen.

We’ve even got something on the rumour radar that makes sense; Mike fackin’ Komisarek!  He hits with the weight of a metric shit-ton, he’s still relatively young (27), and it would fuel the Habs-Leafs rivalry much more furiously than a couple of Belarusian princes dancing around than ice.  (bumps to Maple Leafs Hot Stove)

Burke acknowledges that the impending dip in the salary cap means that managers need to be prepared for the long-term.  [Puck Daddy]

Obligatory Bills News:

The Bills have a scary set of receivers.  They’re deep at wide receiver, like maybe the deepest in the NFL.  And they’ve got Terrell Owens, and yes you’re going to keep hearing about Terrell Owens.

Jays Battle Song For Bodymore, Murdaland

America’s favourite self-aggrandizing sports publication released its list of five best and five worst owners in the four major sports.  Guess who’s topping the list for the worst in the NHL?

Did you guess a bloodless, souless, pension-hugging entity?  Of course you did.  It’s the Toronto Maple Leafs and their owner MLSE.

NHL

Five Best Owners

1 Mike Ilitch Detroit Red Wings

2 Jeffrey Vanderbeek New Jersey Devils

3 Mario Lemieux/Ron Burkle Pittsburgh Penguins

4 San Jose Sports and Entertainment San Jose Sharks

5 Peter Karmanos Carolina Hurricanes

Five Worst Owners

1 MLSE Toronto Maple Leafs

2 Alan Cohen Florida Panthers

3 Charles Wang New York Islanders

4 Atlanta Spirit Atlanta Thrashers

5 Predator Holdings LLC Nashville Predators

Knuckle-bumps to Hugging Harold Reynolds.

Toronto Raptors Dance Pak Booty Shorts

We’re doing an excellent job of lowering our standards of publication today.  [More booty pics at Blaze of Love]

Scott Richmond Earns Monthly Honour

Blue Jays’ starter, and good Canadian boy Scott Richmond was named the American League Rookie of the Month for April.  Nobody is happier than the Blue Jay Hunter.

Crazy Fan’s Flying Karate Kick at Yankees Game

More Hockey Teams In Canada… Keep Dreaming

Face it, Gary Bettman hates us.  From my very own Hockeyhead blog: What Does It Take To Land an NHL Franchise?

Maple Leafs Prospect Breaks Femur

Chris DiDomenico, aka the Leafs’ prospect that didn’t go to college, broke his femur when he crashed feet first into the boards.  DiDomenico is playing in the QMJHL for Drummondville who defeated Shawinigan 5-4 in last night’s game.  [NHL Rumours]

More Monster Jokes for McGuire

Keep them coming, although the biggest joke is McGuire himself.  I say go for it if you’re the Minnesota Wild, I’m sure the TSN panel will love breaking down McGuire’s transactions.  [Stay Classy]

Here we go again, the Cold War is back on as Jim Balsillie submitted an offer to buy the Phoenix Coyotes with a condition allowing him to relocate the franchise to Ontario.  There’s no way in hell that Gary Bettman wants to pull the plug in sunny Phoenix for the frozen highways of Southern Ontario.  He won’t even pull the plug in Nashville, and don’t forget that Kansas City is prepared to house a team right now.

Ian White left the World Hockey Championship yesterday.  That’s the closest thing to Maple Leaf news I’ve got.

It looks like Roberto Alomar is off the hook with that wacky AIDS lawsuit.  Never mind that his ex-girlfriend Ilya Dall doesn’t even have AIDS, or that she’s just bat-shit crazy.  I’m still puzzled by her description of Alomar’s symptoms:

“Purple skin, too sick and weak to walk … foaming at the mouth, couldn’t swallow, and a spinal tap proved (Alomar) was indeed suffering with full-blown AIDS.”

Alomar’s current girlfriend seems like a much kinder girl:

(hat tip to Mopupduty)

The Toronto Argos have brought back a familiar face to serve as the team’s new president.  Bob Nicholson was president of the club from 1994-1999, and he’ll reprise for the upcoming season. When in doubt, just bring back the old boss.

Pierre McGuire is among the front runners for the vacant general manager position with the Minnesota Wild.  McGuire’s first moves if he is to get the job:  sign some monsters and bring Robert Petrovicky back to the NHL.

Life After Leaf Fans

Leaf fans are a tough find during the playoff months, save for the odd goofball sporting a Sundin Leafs’ jersey in a Toronto pub while reluctantly cheering on the Vancouver Canucks (editor’s note: a Wellwood jersey would be more adequate to explain fans’ desperation in Toronto by showing that they once adored the fat nerd).  Now, imagine a world without Leaf fans year round, season after season.  Down Goes Brown dreams up a utopia… er, dystopia where Maple Leaf fans do not exist.

Stephen Curry… Toronto Raptor?

That’s the case over at Cuzoogle, at least according to the Hoop Doctors Mock Draft.  I for one don’t see Curry becoming an NBA superstar, or even a pseudo star like Shane Battier, but the Raptors will need a 2-guard with a sweet stroke because of the impending departure of Anthony Parker.  I’ve said it before, drafting a shooting-guard would be a good move.  Nothing is certain until the balls drain out… of the lottery machine.

Stephen A. Smith continues to be Stephen A. Smith

Stephen A. Smith was handed a microphone, and he said a lot of stupid shit with it.  Thankfully, ESPN eventually realized that and canned his outspoken, dim-witted ass.  Unfortunately, it hasn’t stopped Stephen A. from flapping his gums.  [Dead Spin]

Mike Tyson Still Fuckin’ Crazy

The first time I saw the leaked excerpts of Mike Tyson’s self-produced documentary, I’ll admit: I nearly came to tears from the sheer honesty on all aspects of his career, in the ring and outside of it.  If you’re a film critic, and not impressed by the documentary, then you best watch your back.  Tyson will “copulate, sexually, with your eye and nose holes”.  That’s not even the worst of it.  [Holy Taco]

Stealing Home Off Andy Pettite Is So 2007

Before Jacoby Ellsbury went and made stealing home on Pettite mainstream, Aaron Hill was pulling that shit “underground” in 2007.  Knuckle-bumps to The Blue Jay Hunter.

Big thanks to Land of the Leaf reader and friend Nick Bland for the doozy shot of the Turducken… the only thing better is a deep-fried turkey.

Thankfully, most of the John Tavares to the Toronto Maple Leafs lunacy has subsided now that Garth Snow has stated he won’t be dealing the first overall pick to Brian Burke.  I’ve stated all along that I have doubts as to how good the kid might be, and now some professionals are weighing in on Johnny T as well.  The “Redline Report” (a credible scouting service) has ranked him as the third best prospect Tavares behind Victor Hedman (the best player available anyway) and Matt Duchene.  [A hat tip to NHL Rumours via Newsday]

The “Redline Report” is owned and published by Kyle Woodlief, a former Nashville Predators scout.  Woodlief offered a somewhat harsh critical explanation in his ranking of Tavares:

“I’ve always felt Hedman should be the No. 1 pick… The reason we flip-flopped Duchene and Tavares is due to the fact Tavares’ effort level has been underwhelming through the first two rounds of the [Ontario Hockey League] playoffs. Tavares may score 40 or 50 goals a season, but he’s one-dimensional. If he’s not scoring, he’s not helping.

Right now, he’s the third-best draft-eligible forward on his own team behind Nazem Kadri and Phil Varone. Tavares (9-10-19) and Varone (10-8-18) have about the same number of points, but Varone is plus-16, and Tavares is even. London has a great power play, and Tavares is getting all his points on the power play. Five-on-five, Tavares has been nothing short of a liability. His attitude of entitlement stinks.”

It’s beginning to smell a lot like Lindros in here.

Woodlief went on to compare Tavares to Brett Hull, which isn’t so bad, but it’s not quite the Ontario-ized version of Sidney Crosby that pundits have been praying for.

Hockey Mom

Toronto Life, the city’s leading intellectual magazine that reviews many restaurants that I can’t afford to eat in, ran an interesting piece on John Tavares in a recent issue.  The piece mostly focuses on Tavares’ family life, or lack thereof, and growing up with billet families.  Sounds like his old lady put the pressure on for him to succeed at an early age, and that she fits the very Canadian stereotype of the “crazy hockey parent”:

Once, after a lacklustre performance, she tossed his brand new hockey gloves out the car window. “See, John?” she said. “See that? That’s your hockey career gone. Just like that.”

I read shit like that and I wonder whose hockey career is actually at risk here, John’s or his mother’s?

The print presses are spinning out of control in Toronto thanks to Brian Burke’s announcement that his strategy heading into the draft is to “immediately attempt to move up”.  The NHL’s draft lottery is tonight, Burke stated earlier today that he intends to talk to every team between the Maple Leafs and the first overall pick.  I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not going to happen.

We all need to take a step back and consider what John Tavares actually offers.  He offers a shot at a solid foundation to rebuild around.  That’s it, just a shot.  Us Canadians, we have a penchant to build hype around 18-year old boys and label them things like “The Next One” and other such near-sighted titles.  I don’t think John Tavares is the next Sidney Crosby, but I am cautiously optimistic that he’s not going to be the next Alexandre Daigle either.  Let’s just say that maybe Tavares doesn’t have the same head on his shoulders that greats like Gretzky, Lemieux, Yzerman, and Crosby had when they were coming into the league.

Tavares could be a great player, he may become one of the all-time greats that advanced scouting and his on-ice play with other children his age has led us to believe.  If that is the case, then who in their right fucking mind would be willing to trade the opportunity to Toronto for a bunch of gear-bags?  Assuming that the New York Islanders land the first pick, does Burke call Garth Snow and say:

“Hey Garth, you have Tavares on your radar there, but let me offer you a handful of guys that have been a part of teams that failed to accomplish anything.  You can have anyone on my team, except my lone good player and young stud Luke Schenn.  Take your pick Garth, you want Jason Blake back, how about our offensive defenseman that doesn’t score?”

For the love of Garth Snow, just leave this alone and come up with some plausible solutions to make this team competitive.  And if Tavares pulls an Eric Lindros and says he won’t play for team X, I’ll punch the little fucker in the lips myself.

Luke Schenn: International Stud
Luke Schenn is going to the World Hockey Championships to play for Canada. Not bad for the 19-year old centrepiece to the Leafs’ rebuilding plans. Ian White will be joining the club as well, laying some serious ’stache on the competition I hope.

Top 10 Leaf Moments of 2008-2009
An excellent list with video clips from the always reliable Down Goes Brown. You know your season was a complete washout when the number one moment is the honouring of a former player’s number. Still, great list.

What’s That You Say? Cheaper Bills Tickets?
Using “challenging economic times” as an excuse so as not to admit that they’re bumbling idiots, greedy fucks Rogers Communications Inc. are cutting the average ticket price by 17% to this year’s Buffalo Bills game in Toronto. [TSN]

Bills Draft Approach: Win Now
With a plethora of top-end talent to come off the books in 2010 and again in 2011, the Buffalo Bills appear to be moving toward being competitive this coming season. They’ll be looking for rookies that can step in and contribute immediately, rather than stockpiling for the future. [Buffalo Rumblings]

Drunk Jays Fans New Podcast Available
Bart Given was a guest on the second DJF podcast of 2009, and a pretty good guest at that. I mean, he’s no Keith Law, but who is? Check it out.

Bryan Colangelo Rolls A Douby
B.C. and the Raptors have locked up Quincy Douby for the remainder of this season and for 2010 as well. You hear that? Chris Bosh, Dwayne Wade, Lebron James, and Quincy Douby are all free agents after the 2010 season.[Inside Hoops]