Land of the Leaf

Dice-K?  Throws 96 pitches over five innings.  Johan?  Loses to the Pirates.  Lincecum?  Bullpen blows lead on a mediocre outing (for him) in Washington.  Peavy?  Leaves game after one shitty inning, team calls it viral respiratory illness (smokes cock).  Greinke?  Phew, doesn’t pitch tonight.

Roy Halladay stands alone.

Everyone is talking about it: the believer and hunter, ghosts and drunks, Boo Radley and Stieb… go see.

Burke Admits It:  Colie Campbell Fucks Guys

The only guys in hockey that have a more inane ability to make moronic decisions than the players on the ice are the ex-players running the teams.  No fucking headshot penalty? First of all, it’s absurd that the game has gotten to a point where hits to the head have become so prevalent and devastating that there even needs to be discussion of a rule change.  But wait, there’s some hilarity to all of this:  watching Bud Selig play a bumbling old man to save his own ass was humiliating for baseball and its fans, but listening to hockey-types deny that steroids are an issue in the game is going to look much more embarrassing.

Baseball players still use used steroids to hit a few more homers and recover from arm injuries.  Hockey players are killing each others’ brains with bodychecks and the league is standing by it while ignoring the bigger problem.

Although, Burke admits that most general managers feel that the threat of getting rammed up the poop-chute by Colin Campbell is enough punishment for headshots:

“There’s no appetite for a rule change on that,” Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke said after Tuesday’s meeting. “We all think the existing penalties make sense and then, when a guy crosses the line, Colie bangs him (with a suspension).

Get Your Sludge On:

Um, I’m going to be honest and say I had planned on skipping tonight’s Jays’ game altogether in favour of the Stanley Cup Finals.  Luckily, for me, Halladay’s dominance of the Angels’ lineup was apparent from the first pitch.  This is what multiple computers and a TV are for, nights like this.

Halladay did his best A.J. Burnett impression (although gave up only one walk instead of like seven) by striking out a career high 14 batters on the evening, including the side in the ninth.  Complete game, a few hits surrendered, earned runs and all, fuck it… Halladay is the best there is.  First to nine wins.   Jays 6 Angels 4

Has anyone seen Vernon Wells’ power or general ability lately?  No?  I didn’t think so.

Later this afternoon we’ll take a closer look at the upcoming Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints/Jays series.  You can expect us to probably drool a little over Roy Halladay and wear pants that fit a bit loose in the crotch area.

For now here’s a set of links to some good posts:

Brian Burke Goes Bananas On Watters Show

Oh man, this is too much.  There’s links to the audio piece at the end of the post, check it out.  Is the media getting to Burke, or is it the other way around?

Jaworski Says Trent Edwards Will Be Tremendous

And if that doesn’t quite work out there’s always the option of becoming a wrestler as Tremendous Trent Edwards.

Mock NBA Draft

Am I the only one who wants to see DeJuan Blair as a Raptor?

Alvin Williams A Raptor Again

Williams is joining the team as an assistant coach, show me Charles Oakley and I’ll start to believe.

Michael Bourn Nuts Himself

Bahahaha, ouch!  (bumps to Bugs and Cranks)

If you’re a complete fantasy baseball nerd (and I am), then it’s likely you’ve been caught by the Matt Wieters hype-machine.  There’s little argument that Wieters doesn’t warrant all of the attention he had leading up to his Major League debut, the kid is going to be a stud.

He looked alright in the Orioles’ weekend tilt with Detroit, but the best is yet to come.  Regardless of however many late night man-boners that Wieters can inspire among fanboys, Baltimore’s general manager Andy MacPhail will always be the biggest dick in the room.

From Bastian:

Earlier this week, Andy MacPhail, Baltimore’s president of baseball operations, cited Snider’s situation when asked if Wieters was expected to remain with the Orioles for the rest of the year.

“We think Wieters is ready,” MacPhail was quoted as saying in the Toronto Sun. “We don’t want to be like Toronto with Snider and return the player to the Minors.”

Oh you’d never want to be like Toronto.  Ahem, Gregg Zaun.  You’d never want to round out your pitching staff with a shitty left arm like Mark Hendrickson, oh no, not Andy MacPhail.

We’re at a loss for words to describe how we feel about the Toronto Blue Jays’ current seven game slide.  After peering at Sports and the City we’re left with the sullen reminder that the Jays are no longer in first place.  They’re not even in second.  How about we just throw it up to our old buddy Clay Davis to describe our collective displeasure?

Never mind that Freddy Sanchez went 6-for-6 and nearly hit for the cycle in last night’s Pittsburgh Pirates and Chicago Cubs game, Mr. T was on hand to throw the first pitch, sing in the seventh, and wear a pair of Zubaz.

Taking liberty to post an Allan Bester tribute video.  Maybe the Tina Turner track is a little over the top.

Finally, someone took that mouth guard out of Patrick Kane’s lips!

“That’s Bird” Series Preview: Jays @ Orioles

I wish I could say this series would be a serious beat-down.  I’m not ruling out a Jays’ offensive feast on some of Bodymore’s wonky arms, but my eyes are going bleary from looking at the RBI totals of Rios, Wells, and Lind over the team’s last six losses. I just can’t seem to find anything.  Oh, wait, there aren’t any because they didn’t drive in any fucking runs.  (bump-knuckles to The Tao of Stieb for the written reminder)

Vernon Wells: “You may run like Hayes. but you hit like shit”.  You’re making me sick with your all of your chopping and hacking at the plate.  Now do something, those stolen bases are just expensive.

A six-game skid isn’t exactly the end of the world.  Thankfully, the optimism preservation officer The Blue Jay Hunter points out that when you throw in names like Frank Thomas and John Gibbons, you’ll remember that things have been much worse.

The Orioles hope that Jeremy Guthrie can get his game together in the series opener this afternoon.  Jays throw the mustache (Brian Tallet).

Hey, It’s Leaf Rumours and Rumblings

It seems a set of twins are causing an uprising at Toronto Sports Media.  I agree, dreams of the Sedins are better left out of the minds of Maple Leaf fans. The same could be said for Brian Burke’s hype-crush on John Tavares.  It’s dumb, not going to happen.

We’ve even got something on the rumour radar that makes sense; Mike fackin’ Komisarek!  He hits with the weight of a metric shit-ton, he’s still relatively young (27), and it would fuel the Habs-Leafs rivalry much more furiously than a couple of Belarusian princes dancing around than ice.  (bumps to Maple Leafs Hot Stove)

Burke acknowledges that the impending dip in the salary cap means that managers need to be prepared for the long-term.  [Puck Daddy]

Obligatory Bills News:

The Bills have a scary set of receivers.  They’re deep at wide receiver, like maybe the deepest in the NFL.  And they’ve got Terrell Owens, and yes you’re going to keep hearing about Terrell Owens.

Jays Battle Song For Bodymore, Murdaland

Rogers Communications finally conceded victory to TSN2 and shelled out a few clams to give their disciples customers a chance to watch the Jays pay a visit to Fenway.  Call off the lynch mob, we’ll let dead Ted’s media conglomerate off the hook for a few days.

So we all had a crack to see tonight’s game which was called by Don Orsillo and Jerry Remy.  What came out of their mouths was void of any insightful Blue Jays knowledge.  One of them, I’m not sure which, actually referred to Jesse Litsch as “… ah, a little left-hander they had last year”.  That’s bang on, Jesse’s real little and definitely not pink or fat.

Those two dickheads probably peep more locker room bods than Pierre McGuire.  There is no doubt in this viewer’s mind that either of NESN’s Red Sox announcers, Remy more specifically, would take a photo of Jonathon Papelbon to the bathroom to go number 3.

Not a bad performance by Tallet tonight.  The Jays’ bats couldn’t get anything going against Wakefield’s knuckleball.  I was really hoping that Terry Francona would do something stupid and leave the old knuckleballer in for the complete game.  Nope, he had to go and bring in cock-sucker’s cramp Papelbon.

I wish he wasn’t so good.  I held onto hope right up until a television camera panned over to Lyle Overbay stepping into the batter’s box to face Fancy Pants.  Boston 2, Jays 1.

There’s still two games left, arseholes.

(Edit: Heads up from the comments section, my bad!  Thanks MacG)

“It was Don and Eck calling the game last night, Remy is on the DL for throat cancer… just sayin”

As if last Tuesday’s schooling of A.J. Burnett by Roy Halladay wasn’t enough, he followed up that performance by giving the Chicago White Sox a two-run head start just to see if they could hold it down.  They couldn’t and Halladay finished the week 2-0 with a 1.13 ERA before being named the American League Player of the Week.

Unless Kevin Mench sends a line drive off of Halladay’s leg all the way from Japan, or Zack Greinke can maintain his unrealistic (yet wholly awesome) start to the season, then Halladay should pitch himself into position to start the All-Star Game for the AL. I didn’t even mention that the Jays just completed the four-game sweep of the White Sox!  Good bounce-back performance by Scott Richmond today although he walked away without a decision.  I’ll keep not believing in him and he’ll keep proving me wrong.  I’m okay with that.

Damn Yankees
Tuesday’s baseball game was awesome, last night not so much.  Andy Pettitte didn’t have his best stuff, but that didn’t matter.  The Blue Jay bats couldn’t get shit going against him.  That heavy-set left hander with all the money takes the mound today and we’re countering with Brian Tallet.  Here’s hoping that the pern-stache can top the Hamburglar.

I don’t like to make rash decisions based on one performance, but I’m kinda over Scott Richmond right now.  Regardless, great story on Richmond from Ian at The Blue Jay Hunter.

Rethinking the NBA Finals, Got A Love Buzz for Jay Triano
Took in what I could of the Nuggets-Mavs series and all I can say is that the Nuggies have a legitimate shot at making the finals.  The hell with a Kobe vs. Lebron NBA Finals match-up, Carmelo vs. Lebron has got a lot more intrigue.  Follow the Nuggets’ quest over at Dunking Nuggets with my man Bryan Douglass.  I’ll take any excuse I can get to post a throw-back Raptors picture:

Speaking of the Raptors, Raptors Republic has an overview of the players that have worked out for the team thus far.  None of the names immediately jump of the screen, but we still don’t know what our draft position will be so no reason to get worked up yet.

Yours truly talked about the Jay Triano signing with Mr. Douglass of Fanball.com and the “Statsman” Paul Bruno on last night’s Statsman Show.  I’ll post a link when the file is available, but I can tell you that we’re all happy with the move.  (Link is up.  You can download it here:  Statsman Podcast Archive.  We go Triano around the 1:40 mark.)

Toronto FC and the Lone Goal Complacency
Chad Barrett scored the lone TFC goal last night, and that’s all they needed to defeat the Montreal Impact 1-0.  Toronto FC is getting too comfortable with the 1-0 victories.

Obligatory East Coast Chest Pump
If you read my own Hockeyhead blog (and you fucking better), then you’d know that I’m a big Sidney Crosby supporter.  I’m sorry, Ovechkin is a great player too but he’s sorta greasy.  Simeon VarLAMov has got a wonky glove-hand and the Penguins exposed it.  My boy Eyebleaf is coming around on Sid the Kid, and pretty soon you will too.

New Yankee Stadium is so important that it requires special recognition on the player’s caps.

Well don’t we like to stroke ourselves.

I’m okay with a patch on a sleeve or some bullshit shaved into the outfield grass.  This just looks way stupid, and besides, the INAUGURAL SEASON will always be remembered as the year the Jays won the PENNANT.