Land of the Leaf

“That’s Bird” Series Preview: Jays @ Orioles

I wish I could say this series would be a serious beat-down.  I’m not ruling out a Jays’ offensive feast on some of Bodymore’s wonky arms, but my eyes are going bleary from looking at the RBI totals of Rios, Wells, and Lind over the team’s last six losses. I just can’t seem to find anything.  Oh, wait, there aren’t any because they didn’t drive in any fucking runs.  (bump-knuckles to The Tao of Stieb for the written reminder)

Vernon Wells: “You may run like Hayes. but you hit like shit”.  You’re making me sick with your all of your chopping and hacking at the plate.  Now do something, those stolen bases are just expensive.

A six-game skid isn’t exactly the end of the world.  Thankfully, the optimism preservation officer The Blue Jay Hunter points out that when you throw in names like Frank Thomas and John Gibbons, you’ll remember that things have been much worse.

The Orioles hope that Jeremy Guthrie can get his game together in the series opener this afternoon.  Jays throw the mustache (Brian Tallet).

Hey, It’s Leaf Rumours and Rumblings

It seems a set of twins are causing an uprising at Toronto Sports Media.  I agree, dreams of the Sedins are better left out of the minds of Maple Leaf fans. The same could be said for Brian Burke’s hype-crush on John Tavares.  It’s dumb, not going to happen.

We’ve even got something on the rumour radar that makes sense; Mike fackin’ Komisarek!  He hits with the weight of a metric shit-ton, he’s still relatively young (27), and it would fuel the Habs-Leafs rivalry much more furiously than a couple of Belarusian princes dancing around than ice.  (bumps to Maple Leafs Hot Stove)

Burke acknowledges that the impending dip in the salary cap means that managers need to be prepared for the long-term.  [Puck Daddy]

Obligatory Bills News:

The Bills have a scary set of receivers.  They’re deep at wide receiver, like maybe the deepest in the NFL.  And they’ve got Terrell Owens, and yes you’re going to keep hearing about Terrell Owens.

Jays Battle Song For Bodymore, Murdaland

The print presses are spinning out of control in Toronto thanks to Brian Burke’s announcement that his strategy heading into the draft is to “immediately attempt to move up”.  The NHL’s draft lottery is tonight, Burke stated earlier today that he intends to talk to every team between the Maple Leafs and the first overall pick.  I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not going to happen.

We all need to take a step back and consider what John Tavares actually offers.  He offers a shot at a solid foundation to rebuild around.  That’s it, just a shot.  Us Canadians, we have a penchant to build hype around 18-year old boys and label them things like “The Next One” and other such near-sighted titles.  I don’t think John Tavares is the next Sidney Crosby, but I am cautiously optimistic that he’s not going to be the next Alexandre Daigle either.  Let’s just say that maybe Tavares doesn’t have the same head on his shoulders that greats like Gretzky, Lemieux, Yzerman, and Crosby had when they were coming into the league.

Tavares could be a great player, he may become one of the all-time greats that advanced scouting and his on-ice play with other children his age has led us to believe.  If that is the case, then who in their right fucking mind would be willing to trade the opportunity to Toronto for a bunch of gear-bags?  Assuming that the New York Islanders land the first pick, does Burke call Garth Snow and say:

“Hey Garth, you have Tavares on your radar there, but let me offer you a handful of guys that have been a part of teams that failed to accomplish anything.  You can have anyone on my team, except my lone good player and young stud Luke Schenn.  Take your pick Garth, you want Jason Blake back, how about our offensive defenseman that doesn’t score?”

For the love of Garth Snow, just leave this alone and come up with some plausible solutions to make this team competitive.  And if Tavares pulls an Eric Lindros and says he won’t play for team X, I’ll punch the little fucker in the lips myself.