Land of the Leaf

"I'm just gonna use my bat to get to first, then I'll drop it, I promise."

Breaking Up The Bush-Party
Current Milwaukee Brewer and former Blue Jay Dave Bush took a no-hitter into the eighth inning yesterday (again) against the Phillies.  Due to my unrequited malevolent desires for most former Jays’ arms (except Billy Koch for some reason that alludes me), I was praying for someone, anyone to break Bush’s bid for history.  Matty Stairs clobbered a ball off the foul pole when he entered the game as a pinch-hitter.

Bush has a knack for taking no-hit bids late into games.  Many of us will remember Lyle Overbay busting up another Bush no-hitter last summer.  And back in 2004 when Bush would have actually had any level of relevance on this blog, he had taken his seminal steps into the eighth inning no-hit biz for the Blue Jays in just his third Major League start.

I liked Bush back then, but he’s since become nothing more than a “Pitch or Ditch” candidate in fantasy pools.

Matt Stairs.  Matty friggin’ Stairs.

Having grown up on the East Coast myself, I can place some plausibility into this tale of ex-Blue Jay Matt Stairs’ humble beginnings.  His vicious beer-ball swing lends this story some credibility as well.  You’ll have to excuse the attention to details in this one, as the source was light on memory and slightly more than half-cut at the time of telling.  Nevertheless, I’ll vouch for said source’s credibility as I’m aware of his own experience in New Brunswick’s once fabled baseball system.

So it goes like this: Matt Stairs was a heavy swinging, occasionally heavy swilling shortstop playing for a team based out of the Fredericton area.  Supposedly, the Montreal Expos had several scouts on hand to take a look at a heralded pitcher on the opposing team.  Noticeably absent from his own team’s lineup at the beginning of the game was Matty Stairs.

The legend says that Stairs showed up to the game driving a pickup truck sometime after the 3rd inning, and that he proceeded to slam a six-pack of beer behind the dugout before entering the game.  He then led his Fredericton Schooners team to a victory on the strength of his own FIVE FOUR home runs and an off the wall double.  Now unless a player’s name is Babe Ruth I’d say there wouldn’t be much validity to a tale as such.  But all things considered, Matt Stairs might be the only professional athlete this side of Keon Clark who could have accomplished such a feat with a belly full of beer even at the amateur level.

I’m not so sure I could believe such a story, but I’ll tell you this:  I certainly want to.