Land of the Leaf

Dice-K?  Throws 96 pitches over five innings.  Johan?  Loses to the Pirates.  Lincecum?  Bullpen blows lead on a mediocre outing (for him) in Washington.  Peavy?  Leaves game after one shitty inning, team calls it viral respiratory illness (smokes cock).  Greinke?  Phew, doesn’t pitch tonight.

Roy Halladay stands alone.

Everyone is talking about it: the believer and hunter, ghosts and drunks, Boo Radley and Stieb… go see.

Burke Admits It:  Colie Campbell Fucks Guys

The only guys in hockey that have a more inane ability to make moronic decisions than the players on the ice are the ex-players running the teams.  No fucking headshot penalty? First of all, it’s absurd that the game has gotten to a point where hits to the head have become so prevalent and devastating that there even needs to be discussion of a rule change.  But wait, there’s some hilarity to all of this:  watching Bud Selig play a bumbling old man to save his own ass was humiliating for baseball and its fans, but listening to hockey-types deny that steroids are an issue in the game is going to look much more embarrassing.

Baseball players still use used steroids to hit a few more homers and recover from arm injuries.  Hockey players are killing each others’ brains with bodychecks and the league is standing by it while ignoring the bigger problem.

Although, Burke admits that most general managers feel that the threat of getting rammed up the poop-chute by Colin Campbell is enough punishment for headshots:

“There’s no appetite for a rule change on that,” Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke said after Tuesday’s meeting. “We all think the existing penalties make sense and then, when a guy crosses the line, Colie bangs him (with a suspension).

Get Your Sludge On:

Um, I’m going to be honest and say I had planned on skipping tonight’s Jays’ game altogether in favour of the Stanley Cup Finals.  Luckily, for me, Halladay’s dominance of the Angels’ lineup was apparent from the first pitch.  This is what multiple computers and a TV are for, nights like this.

Halladay did his best A.J. Burnett impression (although gave up only one walk instead of like seven) by striking out a career high 14 batters on the evening, including the side in the ninth.  Complete game, a few hits surrendered, earned runs and all, fuck it… Halladay is the best there is.  First to nine wins.   Jays 6 Angels 4

Has anyone seen Vernon Wells’ power or general ability lately?  No?  I didn’t think so.

Roy Halladay can stop the bleeding, but he needs some support.

Vernon Wells needs to hit the ball today, and I’m not talking about off of his ankles or shins.

I still believe in Alex Rios, just not as much as I used to.

Left handed Rich Hill coudn’t hold down a job a year ago, the Jays are loaded with right handed power hitters.  They should crush him.

Losing is unacceptable today, eight in a row is enough.

TOR: Halladay (8-1, 2.52 ERA)

BAL: Hill (1-0, 3.18 ERA)

Game Time 1:35 PM ET

As if last Tuesday’s schooling of A.J. Burnett by Roy Halladay wasn’t enough, he followed up that performance by giving the Chicago White Sox a two-run head start just to see if they could hold it down.  They couldn’t and Halladay finished the week 2-0 with a 1.13 ERA before being named the American League Player of the Week.

Unless Kevin Mench sends a line drive off of Halladay’s leg all the way from Japan, or Zack Greinke can maintain his unrealistic (yet wholly awesome) start to the season, then Halladay should pitch himself into position to start the All-Star Game for the AL. I didn’t even mention that the Jays just completed the four-game sweep of the White Sox!  Good bounce-back performance by Scott Richmond today although he walked away without a decision.  I’ll keep not believing in him and he’ll keep proving me wrong.  I’m okay with that.

Roy Halladay is so good he makes me wanna puke.

Burnett wasn’t bad, but he wasn’t great either.

I’ve seen a few good live sporting events over the years, but that was the most electric audience that I can say I was a part of.  Thank you Blue Jays’ fans for:

1. Booing Burnett
2. Giving it to A-Roid, and to the gentleman who tossed a foul-ball back at him
3. And most importantly: coming out and supporting the home team

From A-Roid’s purple lip to Mark Teixeira’s shitty average, the Yankees suck.

“It was like a playoff atmosphere…” - Johnny Damon

I’m a few beers deep already, enough with the Royal ass-whippings it’s hammer-time.  The Wire completely altered any pre-conceived ideas I had about the city of Baltimore.  Before Avon Barksdale and Stringer Bell, the only visual I had of the Charm City was Cal Ripken’s bald head and those ugly uniforms.  I’ve got respect for the city now, but the Orioles are heading into a world of pain tonight.

Gregg Zaun is here, hey I love Gregg Zaun.  Despite the fact that my gut weighs more than Zaun’s batting average right now (.111), he’s holding down a job.  It will be short-lived, because he’s just holding the seat for Matt Weiters.  I’ll tip a beer to Zaun when he’s introduced.  I always liked him, even with his penchant for making lousy bets and paying down his debts with blank cheques that end up in the hands of steroid dealers.  Sure Gregg, suuuuuuure.

I’ll give $10 to the first person to chant “steroids” when Zaun comes up to bat.  Mean motherfucker.  Jesus, I hope he actually starts.

We haven’t even mentioned Halladay yet.  He’ll handle the Orioles, just hope the bats come back and lay of the double plays.  Boogah!

B.J. Ryan stunk today.  The line on him: 0.2 IP, 2 H, 3 ER, and 3 BB.  Ryan entered the game in the ninth with a 4-run lead on the Indians before allowing a two out base hit and then walking two and surrendering a three-run double to Mark DeRosa to make it 5-4 for the Jays.

The last time we saw B.J. Ryan struggle this much with his command was in the first weeks of 2007 when J.P. Ricciardi let us know he was experiencing trouble with his back.  It turned out that those back issues need Tommy John surgery on their elbow and the Beej missed the rest of the season.

Jason Frasor relieved Ryan and struck-out Victor Martinez to finish off Cleveland.  Halladay improved to 2-0, and Cliff Lee is now 0-2 (he lost only three times last season).  The Jays are off to vicious start, better than anyone could have expected, but Ryan’s struggles are cause for concern.

That crap-bag that won the American League Cy Young last year was filling his drawers with shit this morning as he’s set to take on the best pitcher in baseball at 1:05 PM.

You can rest assured, Roy Halladay is just fine despite getting hit hard a couple of times.  He didn’t need to be dominant on Opening Night, Adam Lind and Travis “The Franchise” Snider led the Jays’ mashing attack neutering the Tigers 12-5.  Shove lousy weather down a flight of stairs, we’ve got a dome and a dynamite offense.

This year’s uniforms will feature a red Canadian maple leaf on the right shoulder.  It’s a nice gesture, but ultimately a marketing move.  Now, about the crest adorning the sleeve on the left shoulder.  A pompous “Ted” is emblazoned there for all to be reminded of the late tyrannical owner.  Uncle Ted, never one to be outdone as a showman, had his life celebrated on the Rogers Centre jumbotron following the 3rd inning.  To the tune of the opening bars of “Bittersweet Symphony” (oh how bittersweet it is) we were reminded of his accomplishments:

Entrepreneur

Philanthropist

Proud Canadian

Ted Rogers

1933-Not Soon Enough

I can’t believe some righteous jerks actually stood-up and clapped, have these people ever looked at their cable bills?

Justin Verlander started this season right where he left off last year; throwing pumpkins.  Nothing much has changed about Vernon Wells’ approach at the plate, he was hacking at everything but made good contact for a change.  The Tigers teed off on Halladay in the 7th inning for four runs.  Halladay finished the inning and retired to the dugout, face boiling with a blood-rush of anger directed only at himself.

Brandon League looked decent recording a strikeout, but he allowed a couple runners on base after a hussling Aaron Hill just missed picking up a couple hard grounders.  Hill could be shaking off some mental rust, but that’s okay right now.  It was awesome to see him back on the field and in the lineup.  With two men on base and a 4-run lead at stake, Scott Downs came on to nibble at the Tigers’ chromosomes.

After a couple of idiots found their way into Blue Jays’ jail, our guys tacked on three more runs to their lead and wrapped things up in a quiet 9th.  A couple of things of note:

• Brian Tallet spent the offseason watching Boogie Nights and growin’ a stache.
• Magglio Ordonez has to do something about that ridiculous mop on his head.
• Cliff Lee pitched like the real Cliff Lee Today and got spanked by the Texas Rangers.  He should return last year’s Cy Young to its rightful owner.

You might have to excuse me for a moment, it’s Friday and I’ve had a couple of brews already this afternoon.  I was in a jovial mood until I read this bit from Big League Stew.  Joe Carter might be a little bit self-serving in thinking that his World Series winning home run is underrated, but he raises a valid point.  If he had played for any team that existed in 1993 other than the Blue Jays, that shot over the left field wall would be hailed among the greatest shots of all-time.

It’s like the Vince Carter syndrome that plagued Toronto for his entire time spent here as a Raptor.  Basketball fans in the United States were led to believe that Carter was this human highlight-reel specimen of athleticism because all they ever saw were his dunks on ESPN.  They weren’t faced with the night-in night-out display of wincing and groaning over phony injuries because he’s a lazy piece of dog-shit.  Call it Toronto Carter Syndrome or something.

As pointed out in the BLS post, Joe Carter’s home run off of Mitch Williams is one of two homers in the history of baseball to win a World Series in walk-off fashion.  Yet we’re constantly reminded of Kirk Gibson’s pinch hit, hobbling around like a drama queen blast off Dennis Eckersley in 1988.  Only Curt Schilling’s fake bloody sock tops that in terms of hamming it up for the camera.  Shit, did I mention that Gibson’s homer came in Game One of that World Series?

I’ll be the first to criticize Toronto fans for embracing washouts like Darcy Tucker and Shayne Corson as fan-favourites, but I won’t take any shit when it comes to the Jays.  Roy Halladay has been perhaps the best pitcher in baseball over the last seven seasons, but he doesn’t get his due.  I’m fine with that, but the rest of the world would know this too if he played anywhere else.  Don’t make me angry, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.