Land of the Leaf

Nervousness has got me shaking like Parliament Street meth-whore on a dozen cups of Jet Fuel.  Friday night home games usually mean emphatic powdery blue victories.  Not this Friday though, this one is much, much different. It’s that goddamn knuckleball of Tim Wakefield, and those fucking Mass Holes.

Here’s me trying to be positive:

I want to think that this is the series that Vernon Wells uses to establish himself this season.  Surely a nine game road losing streak is enough to inspire Vernon to come to the plate with a plan and give us some of that 2003 shit.  Meaningful hits, that’s all Vernon.  We’re not asking for too much, but keep stealing bags.

Janssen gets the ball tonight, Scott Richmond goes to the pen.  I’m okay with that, I’ll tell you why.  Casey Janssen needs to start, but he could come out flaccid and we’ll need a serviceable arm ready for long relief.  That’s what Scott Richmond is, a serviceable arm.  He’s not a fucking superstar, but neither is Janssen.

See, I’m having trouble being positive.  I’m scared shitless.  Only the encouraging words of Scott Rolen can snap me out of this forced introversion of pessimism.

I’ve searched high and low for a battle song to head into this series with.  I give you the musical equivalent of a Wakefield knuckleball: Pavement covering Creedence Clearwater Revival.  Go Jays!

As if last Tuesday’s schooling of A.J. Burnett by Roy Halladay wasn’t enough, he followed up that performance by giving the Chicago White Sox a two-run head start just to see if they could hold it down.  They couldn’t and Halladay finished the week 2-0 with a 1.13 ERA before being named the American League Player of the Week.

Unless Kevin Mench sends a line drive off of Halladay’s leg all the way from Japan, or Zack Greinke can maintain his unrealistic (yet wholly awesome) start to the season, then Halladay should pitch himself into position to start the All-Star Game for the AL. I didn’t even mention that the Jays just completed the four-game sweep of the White Sox!  Good bounce-back performance by Scott Richmond today although he walked away without a decision.  I’ll keep not believing in him and he’ll keep proving me wrong.  I’m okay with that.

Damn Yankees
Tuesday’s baseball game was awesome, last night not so much.  Andy Pettitte didn’t have his best stuff, but that didn’t matter.  The Blue Jay bats couldn’t get shit going against him.  That heavy-set left hander with all the money takes the mound today and we’re countering with Brian Tallet.  Here’s hoping that the pern-stache can top the Hamburglar.

I don’t like to make rash decisions based on one performance, but I’m kinda over Scott Richmond right now.  Regardless, great story on Richmond from Ian at The Blue Jay Hunter.

Rethinking the NBA Finals, Got A Love Buzz for Jay Triano
Took in what I could of the Nuggets-Mavs series and all I can say is that the Nuggies have a legitimate shot at making the finals.  The hell with a Kobe vs. Lebron NBA Finals match-up, Carmelo vs. Lebron has got a lot more intrigue.  Follow the Nuggets’ quest over at Dunking Nuggets with my man Bryan Douglass.  I’ll take any excuse I can get to post a throw-back Raptors picture:

Speaking of the Raptors, Raptors Republic has an overview of the players that have worked out for the team thus far.  None of the names immediately jump of the screen, but we still don’t know what our draft position will be so no reason to get worked up yet.

Yours truly talked about the Jay Triano signing with Mr. Douglass of Fanball.com and the “Statsman” Paul Bruno on last night’s Statsman Show.  I’ll post a link when the file is available, but I can tell you that we’re all happy with the move.  (Link is up.  You can download it here:  Statsman Podcast Archive.  We go Triano around the 1:40 mark.)

Toronto FC and the Lone Goal Complacency
Chad Barrett scored the lone TFC goal last night, and that’s all they needed to defeat the Montreal Impact 1-0.  Toronto FC is getting too comfortable with the 1-0 victories.

Obligatory East Coast Chest Pump
If you read my own Hockeyhead blog (and you fucking better), then you’d know that I’m a big Sidney Crosby supporter.  I’m sorry, Ovechkin is a great player too but he’s sorta greasy.  Simeon VarLAMov has got a wonky glove-hand and the Penguins exposed it.  My boy Eyebleaf is coming around on Sid the Kid, and pretty soon you will too.

Toronto Raptors Dance Pak Booty Shorts

We’re doing an excellent job of lowering our standards of publication today.  [More booty pics at Blaze of Love]

Scott Richmond Earns Monthly Honour

Blue Jays’ starter, and good Canadian boy Scott Richmond was named the American League Rookie of the Month for April.  Nobody is happier than the Blue Jay Hunter.

Crazy Fan’s Flying Karate Kick at Yankees Game

More Hockey Teams In Canada… Keep Dreaming

Face it, Gary Bettman hates us.  From my very own Hockeyhead blog: What Does It Take To Land an NHL Franchise?

Maple Leafs Prospect Breaks Femur

Chris DiDomenico, aka the Leafs’ prospect that didn’t go to college, broke his femur when he crashed feet first into the boards.  DiDomenico is playing in the QMJHL for Drummondville who defeated Shawinigan 5-4 in last night’s game.  [NHL Rumours]

More Monster Jokes for McGuire

Keep them coming, although the biggest joke is McGuire himself.  I say go for it if you’re the Minnesota Wild, I’m sure the TSN panel will love breaking down McGuire’s transactions.  [Stay Classy]

After taking a double dose of DL-deliciousness, the Blue Jays were looking at a Kevin Millwood that has been fairly successful early-on this season.  Millwood was good, but Scott Richmond was better.  OK, I’ll have a sip of the Richmond Kool-Aid now.

That’s five straight series victories for our birds.  Of course, now we face a pair of injuries from polar opposites, at least performance-wise, left-handers.  Ricky Romero’s “sex-strain” will be fine, he’ll pitch in a couple of weeks.  B.J. Ryan will get his head checked and come back like a big sweaty bull.  If this scrappy season is to have a stretch where the Blue Jays can ‘afford’ injuries to key players, it’s right now.  The Jays, yet to have faced an AL East opponent are due to face a slew of mediocre clubs in the White Sox, Royals, Baltimore, Cleveland and the injury depleted pitching staff of Anaheim over the next 14 days.

If the bats keep maaashing, and that they did tonight, and Halladay and the bullpen keep inducing groundballs and strikeouts (a tall order, I know) then we’ll be fine.  Alex Rios finally slammed something prior to 2:45AM, and we all know it only takes one to get your mojo going.  I’m still believer in Rios.

These guys can play, and as coach Lou Brown once said: “There’s two or three potential All-Stars here”.

I bet it was difficult to sneak around Cito Gaston and pretend you weren’t on steroids.  If I were Roger Clemens and I was doing drugs, I’d prefer to do them around someone that could lie a little bit better than myself.

It shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone, but Gaston thinks Clemens is “a complete asshole”.

If you’ve read Jeff Pearlman’s Clemens’ biography The Rocket That Fell To Earth or the Jays’ excerpts then you may have an inkling of an idea that Clemens may have played a major role in the dismissal of Cito Gaston as manager in 1997.

The Rocket certainly hand-picked lobbied for Tim Johnson to succeed Cito as the club’s manager.  Johnson if you remember, turned out to be a Vietnam War story concocting shit-bag.  Clemens was adept at surrounding himself with lying cheaters.
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Copywriters everywhere are snickering at this: Jays Shave Bush.

Richmond Saving ‘it’ For The Season

Yikes, Scott Richmond got clobbered today by the Tigers. If he’s still in the rotation in May then I’ll shave his ERA into my chest-hair.

Once, there were two:

A decent read from today is this The Montreal Expos: Fiver Years Later piece from TheGoodPoint.

Raptors Aiming For Fifth Straight

The road to five straight wins goes directly through Dwight Howard and the Orlando Magic.  Cuzzy isn’t April Foolsing on you, an upset of ‘magical’ proportions could be in the works tonight.  Okay, that was little much.  [Cuzoogle]

Mills Craps The Bed In Last Chance To Impress

The fight for the fifth and final spot in the Jays’ rotation is becoming a contest of shittyness.  Brad Mills got lit up by the Phillies in his final start of the spring.  He’ll probably still pitch for the Jays in the near future according to Cito.  Scott Richmond will have to step on the mound and pull down his pants and piss to lose the final spot on this staff.

Leaf Fans Divided On Brad May

Brad May isn’t going to command big money this offseason, but he could be a valuable leader and roll-player somewhere.  It’s up to his father Brian Burke to decide whether or not that will be with Toronto or not.  The fans are split down the middle on him.  [Pension Plan Puppets]

Who’s More Stab-Worthy, TSN2 or Rogers?

We’re now in month number eight in the TSN2 and Rogers’ standoff.  TSN can suck-it because they put half of their Raptors’ games on a channel that 14 people have, and Rogers can suck-it for refusing to man-up and offer TSN2.  [Zelkovich]

Chicks Dig The Stick

Anna Kournikova, Willa Ford, Hillary Duff, the older Tanner sister from Full House:  they all chase puck.  [FanIQ]

Self-Promotion

I hate country music, especially Wal-Mart country.  I took a shot at Carey Price’s stupid Garth Brooks goalie mask over at Hockeyhead.

Blue Jays News and Notes
Jumping Jesus Murphy, the Blue Jays’ pitching rotation is starting to take shape.  Bastian reported earlier today that Ricky Romero has made the team by claiming the 4th spot in the rotation, slotting in after Jesse Litsch.  That leaves Canada’s first son Scott Richmond and another lefty in Brad Mills to battle for the 5th spot in the rotation.

Mopupduty hosted and posted an informative and rather excellent round table discussion of the upcoming Blue Jays season featuring a slew of Jays’ bloggers. They’re mostly optimistic, I’m optimistic, and maybe you’ll be too after checking it out.

Stoeten remains realistic about Dustin McGowan and the likelihood (there is none) that he’ll pitch for the Jays at some point this season.  Although, Shaun Marcum is actually ahead of schedule on his own rehab!

This is from yesterday, but it’s still got some awesomeness to it today: Bluebird Banter took a look at the Jays defensively heading into the season.  Also, if you need an awful reminder of just how convoluted things were in left field for Toronto last year, then they’ve got you covered.

Quickly On The Leafs
The annual ridiculously helpless and saddeningly hopeless shot at the playoffs: “11 points out of eighth with six games to go, the Leafs aren’t eliminated from the playoffs yet, weirdly enough. If Montreal, Buffalo and Florida lose out the season, and Ottawa loses a couple games (while beating Montreal in regulation in their head to head) Toronto only needs to go 6-0-0 against… Philly (2x), New Jersey, Buffalo, Montreal and Ottawa.” - [Pension Plan Puppets]

Burgundy from StayClassy is lobbing around names of teams that may be potential suitors for Ray Emery next season.  He drops Toronto as a possibility, I have to admit: I like it.