Land of the Leaf

Dice-K?  Throws 96 pitches over five innings.  Johan?  Loses to the Pirates.  Lincecum?  Bullpen blows lead on a mediocre outing (for him) in Washington.  Peavy?  Leaves game after one shitty inning, team calls it viral respiratory illness (smokes cock).  Greinke?  Phew, doesn’t pitch tonight.

Roy Halladay stands alone.

Everyone is talking about it: the believer and hunter, ghosts and drunks, Boo Radley and Stieb… go see.

Burke Admits It:  Colie Campbell Fucks Guys

The only guys in hockey that have a more inane ability to make moronic decisions than the players on the ice are the ex-players running the teams.  No fucking headshot penalty? First of all, it’s absurd that the game has gotten to a point where hits to the head have become so prevalent and devastating that there even needs to be discussion of a rule change.  But wait, there’s some hilarity to all of this:  watching Bud Selig play a bumbling old man to save his own ass was humiliating for baseball and its fans, but listening to hockey-types deny that steroids are an issue in the game is going to look much more embarrassing.

Baseball players still use used steroids to hit a few more homers and recover from arm injuries.  Hockey players are killing each others’ brains with bodychecks and the league is standing by it while ignoring the bigger problem.

Although, Burke admits that most general managers feel that the threat of getting rammed up the poop-chute by Colin Campbell is enough punishment for headshots:

“There’s no appetite for a rule change on that,” Maple Leafs GM Brian Burke said after Tuesday’s meeting. “We all think the existing penalties make sense and then, when a guy crosses the line, Colie bangs him (with a suspension).

Get Your Sludge On:

Later this afternoon we’ll take a closer look at the upcoming Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints/Jays series.  You can expect us to probably drool a little over Roy Halladay and wear pants that fit a bit loose in the crotch area.

For now here’s a set of links to some good posts:

Brian Burke Goes Bananas On Watters Show

Oh man, this is too much.  There’s links to the audio piece at the end of the post, check it out.  Is the media getting to Burke, or is it the other way around?

Jaworski Says Trent Edwards Will Be Tremendous

And if that doesn’t quite work out there’s always the option of becoming a wrestler as Tremendous Trent Edwards.

Mock NBA Draft

Am I the only one who wants to see DeJuan Blair as a Raptor?

Alvin Williams A Raptor Again

Williams is joining the team as an assistant coach, show me Charles Oakley and I’ll start to believe.

Michael Bourn Nuts Himself

Bahahaha, ouch!  (bumps to Bugs and Cranks)

Peter Zezel passed away yesterday at the age of 44.  Zezel was always considered “one of their own” by Leaf fans despite only playing in Toronto for parts of four seasons.  Toronto born, or Scarborough raised, however you choose to put it, Zezel first made his mark in the OHL with the Toronto Marlboros in the early 1980’s.  The news of his passing hit hard in Toronto, our thoughts are with his family and friends.

Peter Zezel didn’t have his best offensive years in Toronto, but he played an integral part on two of the better Maple Leafs teams from the last 40 years.  He appeared in the 1986 film Youngblood, which is a much better hockey film than Slap Shot, and he continued to be active in the Toronto sports community over the last few years.  Several excellent stories and tributes from a number of bloggers have delineated some of Zezel’s memorable hockey moments and human side, here are some links to a few:

Remembering Peter Zezel [Down Goes Brown]

Peter Zezel [Bitter Leaf Fan Page]

Ode To Peter Zezel [Toronto Sports Media]

America’s favourite self-aggrandizing sports publication released its list of five best and five worst owners in the four major sports.  Guess who’s topping the list for the worst in the NHL?

Did you guess a bloodless, souless, pension-hugging entity?  Of course you did.  It’s the Toronto Maple Leafs and their owner MLSE.

NHL

Five Best Owners

1 Mike Ilitch Detroit Red Wings

2 Jeffrey Vanderbeek New Jersey Devils

3 Mario Lemieux/Ron Burkle Pittsburgh Penguins

4 San Jose Sports and Entertainment San Jose Sharks

5 Peter Karmanos Carolina Hurricanes

Five Worst Owners

1 MLSE Toronto Maple Leafs

2 Alan Cohen Florida Panthers

3 Charles Wang New York Islanders

4 Atlanta Spirit Atlanta Thrashers

5 Predator Holdings LLC Nashville Predators

Knuckle-bumps to Hugging Harold Reynolds.

To put it bluntly, he’s lying through his teeth.  Burke vehemently denied rumors that the Maple Leafs had received an offer from the Boston Bruins for Tomas Kaberle by telling TSN:

“It’s not true, a total fabrication, I sat with (Boston GM) Peter Chiarelli for the first period of Saturday’s game in Boston and we never discussed Tomas Kaberle. We hadn’t spoken about Kaberle before that and we most certainly haven’t since then. There is no truth to it at all. None.”

Burke also reiterated his desire to keep Ian White in the fold for the Leafs:

“I don’t expect either defenceman to move,” Burke told the Star. “I’ve gotten offers for Ian White which we’ve turned down. We’re really happy with him, and unless we’re blown away we plan to keep him.”

You have to admit, this approach to selling the team’s assets is probably more effective than his recent public lambasting of Nik Antropov.  Burke can create the illusion that Tomas Kaberle and Ian White are so valuable that it would take a top-notch offer to pull them away.  The reality for this team is that they’re neither good enough to sneak into the playoffs down the stretch, nor bad enough to compete for the John Tavares Cup.  Brian Burke is a lot of things, but the jury is out on his fibbing skills.