Land of the Leaf

Oh where to start?  Well, the Blue Jays were swept by the team that everyone else in Canada loves and I don’t want to talk about it.  Yeah, it was a strong dose of reality juice, but it will be different next time.  I promise.

We’re still in first, remember that you Boston dick-heads.

My TSN2 feed cut out for a good while, which left me with an opportunity to take a look at what was going in Pittsburgh last night.  Evgeni Malkin is sickatating.

Speaking of Pittsburgh:

Former Buc Jose Bautista could see his playing time take a big leap.  Travis Snider was optioned (read: sent packing) to AAA-Las Vegas.  J.P. Ricciardi sure loves him some ex-Pittsburgh Pirates, so unless Adam Lind learns how to not look awkward in left field or Gaston chooses to go with Kevin Millar (who actually handles right handers better than lefties as a right handed hitter) then we could be seeing more of Bautista.

According to Griffin, it sounds like Snider may have went Hal McRae and had a little hissy fit after the news of his demotion.  He’s young, red-faced by nature, and looks loaded with testosterone.  It’s fine, nothing to worry about here.  He’ll go to triple-A Las Vegas, hammer some balls, spend some time in a few casinos, and be back before Manny Ramirez.  The demotion was bound to happen at some point, but those huge homers at the start of the season took a long time to land.

It’s off to Hotlanta for a weekend series, and World Series rematch for Cito Gaston and Bobby Cox.  We got this.

You can rest assured, Roy Halladay is just fine despite getting hit hard a couple of times.  He didn’t need to be dominant on Opening Night, Adam Lind and Travis “The Franchise” Snider led the Jays’ mashing attack neutering the Tigers 12-5.  Shove lousy weather down a flight of stairs, we’ve got a dome and a dynamite offense.

This year’s uniforms will feature a red Canadian maple leaf on the right shoulder.  It’s a nice gesture, but ultimately a marketing move.  Now, about the crest adorning the sleeve on the left shoulder.  A pompous “Ted” is emblazoned there for all to be reminded of the late tyrannical owner.  Uncle Ted, never one to be outdone as a showman, had his life celebrated on the Rogers Centre jumbotron following the 3rd inning.  To the tune of the opening bars of “Bittersweet Symphony” (oh how bittersweet it is) we were reminded of his accomplishments:

Entrepreneur

Philanthropist

Proud Canadian

Ted Rogers

1933-Not Soon Enough

I can’t believe some righteous jerks actually stood-up and clapped, have these people ever looked at their cable bills?

Justin Verlander started this season right where he left off last year; throwing pumpkins.  Nothing much has changed about Vernon Wells’ approach at the plate, he was hacking at everything but made good contact for a change.  The Tigers teed off on Halladay in the 7th inning for four runs.  Halladay finished the inning and retired to the dugout, face boiling with a blood-rush of anger directed only at himself.

Brandon League looked decent recording a strikeout, but he allowed a couple runners on base after a hussling Aaron Hill just missed picking up a couple hard grounders.  Hill could be shaking off some mental rust, but that’s okay right now.  It was awesome to see him back on the field and in the lineup.  With two men on base and a 4-run lead at stake, Scott Downs came on to nibble at the Tigers’ chromosomes.

After a couple of idiots found their way into Blue Jays’ jail, our guys tacked on three more runs to their lead and wrapped things up in a quiet 9th.  A couple of things of note:

• Brian Tallet spent the offseason watching Boogie Nights and growin’ a stache.
• Magglio Ordonez has to do something about that ridiculous mop on his head.
• Cliff Lee pitched like the real Cliff Lee Today and got spanked by the Texas Rangers.  He should return last year’s Cy Young to its rightful owner.